Posts Tagged ‘Skrull’

Preview Review – She-Hulk #31

May 22, 2008

Greetings Earthlings!  It is time once again for another Preview Review, wherein I find the unlettered preview pages offered online for an upcoming comic (that I really have no intention of buying), and write a review of the issue based entirely on my perceptions of what is going on.
Today, we look at She-Hulk #31, from Peter David (writer) and Vincenzo Cucca and Barbara Ciardo (artists), with a cover by Mike Deodato.
So, how about that Deodato cover?
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Background?  Who needs a background?!?  Give me a big blank space any day!  Why, all that extra “art” would only serve to detract from the focal point of this cover, which is She-Hulk swinging from that “L” above a group of her adoring fans.
(Maybe you didn’t know, but in the Marvel Universe, Shulkie is, like, more popular than the Beatles.  Its true!)
Oh, and look!  Her fans all have green skin, pointy ears, and chin lines!  Gotta be Skrulls.  I can only take that to mean that this is yet another comic trapped in the vortex of Marvel’s massively oppressive event, Secret Invasion.
You know, it makes sense that Shulkie would have a lot of Skrull guys as fans.  I mean, think about it.  You are a young Skrull guy, and while there may be a lot of attractive Skrull gals out there, they all have the same problem:  chin lines that give off an awfully “goatee”-esque vibe.  Not exactly the most appealing feature.
Enter Shulkie, with that green skin and smooth chin.  Yeah, boy!  Sure, her ears aren’t pointy, but no one is perfect.
Hey!  I just realized who her fans are impersonating!  That’s Jaime Madrox (Multiple Man), from X-Factor!  (Ha!  See, I don’t ALWAYS have to be told who characters are!)  On a side note, X-Factor is the only X-Book I read… and if this means that this event is going to mess that up, I’ll not be pleased.  Anyway, moving on.

Ooh, this preview, along with the cover and interior pages, also included a pin-up!  Shall we take a look?
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By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth!  Shulkie’s all manga-ized!  Oh, great.  That probably means that She-Hulk’s new costume will be that of an Asian schoolgirl, she’ll pick up some tiny, overly cute mythical creature as a companion, and before long, she’ll be piloting some giant robot into battle.  Oh, and readers will be forced to read her book from right to left instead of left to right.
What is going on in that picture anyway?  Shulkie is just standing there, all posed, while cars seem to be flying apart behind her.  (Alas, I am vexed.  Should I lower myself to enter here the obvious flatulation joke?  Or should I rise above?)
I suppose Shulkie made a “run for the border” for lunch!
(Come on!  You knew it was coming.)
Alright, let’s check out the first interior page:
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Well, it looks like Shulkie is running toward some arthritic woman.  There’s a lesson for you kids – don’t crack your knuckles, or your hands will end up like that.
Bypassing another obvious gastrointestinal joke, did Shulkie recently get some sort of uncontrollable speed powers?  Look at that path of destruction in her wake!
Next page, please:
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Okay, so the arthritic woman can fly.  She easily dodges the brute force, run-straight-at-her attack from Shulkie.  She-Hulk looks up at her, mouth open.  Arthritic Flying Girl crosses her arms all smug like, as if to say, “What, are you going to ‘scream’ me down?!?”
Suddenly, Arthritic Flying Girl is hit by… wait… is that She-Hulk’s spit?  Open mouth, blast of liquid flying through the air… ew.  Well, I suppose if its in your arsenal you can use it.
Still… ew.
Let’s move onto the next page and hope for less saliva.
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Okay, so Arthritic Flying Girl realizes that she can… you know… “fly”… and gets out of the path of the flying drool.  And then we find out – oh, it wasn’t spit!  Shulkie just destroyed a fire hydrant.  Now, that makes me feel better.  In fact, it relieves me so much I won’t mention A.) the lack of background in this panel, and B.) the bizarre placement of the fire hydrant to Shulkie’s crotch.
Arthritic Flying Girl is ticked at Shulkie.  She’s got on her mean face and everything.  She flings herself at She-Hulk!  And, finally, what we all wait for in any manga/anime project – speedlines!
Wow, those little arthritic fists must be powerful.  I woulda thunk She-Hulk could take a punch from a girl that looks to be a third of her size.
On to the next page!
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Ah, there we go.  Using the forward momentum of Arthritic Flying Girl and… the top panel line from the panel below as a fulcrum, She-Hulk flings her assailant into a car.
Poised to finish off Arthritic Flying Girl, Shulkie is distracted by an eclipse of the sun, which she stupidly turns around to look at.  Didn’t anyone ever tell her that she would burn her retinas out doing that?
Let’s see if she learned that lesson on the next page:
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Oh, luckily, Strong Guy showed up to stop her from looking into the eclipse.  (Yeah, that’s right – Strong Guy.  That’s his super-hero name.  It was the early 1990’s, okay?  Creativity was reduced to slapping pouches onto costumes, issuing heroes leather jackets, and giving them all mullets and a five-o’clock shadow.  So Guido… *sigh* yes, again, that is his real name… ended up with the moniker Strong Guy.  I suppose it could’ve been worse.  They could have gone with “White Ponytail And Creepy Goggle Guy.”)
It does seem that Strong Guy was a little overzealous in averting Shulkie’s eyes from the blinding powers of the eclipse.  He did so with enough gusto to not only crack the pavement, but to also create his own speedlines.
I wonder if She-Hulk will understand he was just too enthusiastic.  Let’s take a look at the last page to find out:
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Oh… well, she appears to be okay with it, just laying there in the rubble, smiling.
In the next panel, Strong Guy doesn’t look too happy.  Oh, maybe Shulkie didn’t say thank you.  That’s probably it.  I mean, he did save her vision… seems that would warrant a little grati–!!!
Great Shades of America’s Funniest Home Videos!!!  Holy cow… I guess She-Hulk didn’t take kindly to the excessive helpfulness of Strong Guy.  Man… he is NOT going to be walking away from that anytime soon.  A guy doesn’t recover from a shot like that very quickly.  What with the pain, the nausea, the headache, the seeing-stars, and the crying… I figure Strong Guy is down for a good hour, and walking delicately home after that.
What have we learned today?  She-Hulk may be fast enough that the vacuum that trails behind her is devastating, causing millions of dollars worth of damage, but she doesn’t have any sort of super-spit abilities… that we know of.  Also, it is good to be helpful, but being too helpful can result in having ice your crotch for a while.
I give this comic 116,204 stars out of 197,385.  I liked the art despite the fact that the artists felt the need to include those pesky “backgrounds” in so many of the panels.
EG Out!

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Captains, Captains Everywhere…

May 9, 2008

 

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SPOILER WARNING!!!

HEREIN, THIS POST CONTAINS IMAGES AND/OR INFORMATION THAT MAY SPOIL THE FOLLOWING COMICS:  CAPTAIN AMERICA 25, CAPTAIN AMERICA 34 THROUGH 40 (WELL, ACTUALLY, JUST THE COVER FOR 40), SECRET INVASION 1, AND  AVENGERS/INVADERS 1 (AGAIN, JUST THE COVER).  SO, IF YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW, STOP AND TURN BACK.

LAST CHANCE.

DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU.

As most of us are aware, Steve Rogers, Captain America, was killed in March of 2007.

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And, shockingly, he stayed that way.

Months passed and there was no Captain America.  Oh, there were teases thrown out about the “new” Captain America.  Anyone remember these travesties?

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But nothing real.  In fact, much to the credit of writer Ed Brubaker, there appeared on the newstands and in the comic shops eight issues of the Captain America comic in which there was NO Captain America.

Don’t get me wrong – it was a feat.  But, as OG could testify to, I was getting antsy during that time.

See, I’m a big Captain America fan.  Loves me some Cap, you know?  Well, as good as the comics were, I was growing really tired of buying a Captain America comic and not getting to see the adventures of the Star-Spangled Avenger.

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I even contemplated dropping the title and picking it back up when a Captain America finally appeared again.

Through this time, OG held my hand (figuratively), assuring me that Cap would return.

Finally, after 10 months, word came down:  Captain America would appear again in issue 34.

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Sure, it wasn’t MY Cap, but at least it was Captain America.  Shiny, but still, there was much rejoicing for me.

Then it started.

About the same time, it was also announced that Captain America would be returning.

What?  Didn’t I already say that?

Yeah, exactly.

This next Captain America WAS my Cap… sorta.  Marvel announced the Avengers/Invaders 12 issue series, in which the original Invaders were going to be transported through time to the present day Marvel Universe.  Among those Invaders was, of course, Steve Rogers, before he was frozen and thawed out in modern times, before he was time tested, before he was an experienced leader.

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Interesting.  I was fascinated at the concept, and began looking forward to the series.  I don’t know if the new Cap and the time-transported Cap will meet in the series, but I think it would be pretty neat.

So, there I was, happily reading the monthly Captain America book and looking forward to the Avengers/Invaders series… and it happened again.

In Captain America 36, I was shocked (as, I would guess, most people were), when, at the end of the issue, a body is found in a stasis chamber of some sort… and it is the body of Steve Rogers.

And, just for fun, take a look at the cover of 40:

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Uh, yeah.  I KNOW!

Sure, I can make a bunch of guesses as to who or what this might be… but that’s for another discussion.

Just when I thought I couldn’t be further surprised, though, I read Secret Invasion 1, and near the end of the issue, we are treated to a ship openning up and seeing a familiar face:

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So, if you are keeping count, in the main Marvel Universe at the present time, there is not one, two, or even three people claiming the mantle Captain America, but FOUR.  Quite a cumulation of Caps, wouldn’t you say?

And that’s not even counting these alternate reality folks running around:

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I gotta say, this whole thing is starting to seem very familiar to me.  Death of an icon, huge amount of media attention, four coming on the scene with claims to the name… hmm… what does that remind me of…?

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Oh, well, I’m sure it’ll come to me eventually.

If this does go the way of that event from the Distinguished Competition, then I’m all for it.  It means I’ll get my Captain America back.  And, hey, He’s already got a black version of his suit that he can reappear in!

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