EG’s Movie Review – Knight Rider (2008 TV Movie)

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WARNING:  SPOILERS FOR THE RECENTLY AIRED KNIGHT RIDER TV MOVIE ARE AHEAD.  IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW, THEN DON’T READ THIS.  SERIOUSLY.  I MEAN IT.  I TALK ABOUT ALL THE INTERESTING THINGS, INCLUDING THE SECRET APPEARANCE OF HERBIE, THE LOVE BUG, AS K.I.T.T.’S NEW LOVE INTEREST.  WELL, NO, NOT THAT, REALLY, BECAUSE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN, BUT THOSE ARE THE KINDS OF SURPRISES I COULD POSSIBLY RUIN IN THIS LITTLE REVIEW.  SO, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE ZOMBIE BATTLE IN KNIGHT RIDER, DON’T READ THIS.  SORRY.  AGAIN, NO ZOMBIE BATTLE TAKES PLACE.  JUST AN EXAMPLE OF ME SPOILING.  GET IT?  GOT IT?  GOOD.

To the NBC executives:

Just… just stop, okay?

Please?

I beseech you.  Seriously.

Stop raping my childhood.

Okay, now that I got that out of the way, let us talk about the recently aired Knight Rider TV movie. 

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A day that will live… in infamy…

Here is what I came away with:  2008 Ford Shelby GT 500 KR Mustang.

Buy it.

Buy it now.

It is too cool not to buy.

Why aren’t you buying it?

If you were cool, you’d buy it.

Ah, yes, I sat through this 2 hour commercial.  Actually, I taped it so I could skip through the commercials.  Shockingly, I was able to watch the entire movie in about 8 minutes.

Just kidding. 

I subjected myself to the entire debacle, though, with so many of the actual commercials starring K.I.T.T. and the new guy driving the car, it was hard to figure out where to stop sometimes.

Oh, where do I begin with this?  How about an overview?

It is 2008, and Charles Graiman, the developer of the original K.I.T.T. has developed a computer program, called Prometheus, that basically controls every military computer for the United States.  And the bad guys come looking for it.

(Please note – in an effort not to offend anyone, the bad guys are the current standard, which include a British guy, an Asian guy, an African American guy, and a guy that is probably German, but not really focused on.  You looking for diversity on TV?  Look to the bad guys.  They may be evil, but they are openly welcoming of all races.)

They break into Graiman’s home and steal all his hard drives, but can’t access the information because it is encrypted.  Unfortunately, Graiman died of a heart attack when they broke in and threatened him.  Whoops.  They decide to go after his daughter to help them access the hard drives.

While rummaging through Graiman’s house, the bad guys “wake up” the new K.I.T.T., who goes speeding off to save Graiman’s daughter, Sarah.

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What do you mean?  I am acting!

Sarah teaches at Stanford, so K.I.T.T. goes there to pick her up.  Unfortunately, so do the bad guys.  K.I.T.T. saves her, and they go to find someone to help them – Mike Traceur, teenage sweetheart of Sarah, former Army Ranger, current sleazebag.  Why?  Because Graiman programmed K.I.T.T. to do that… for reasons that really don’t make much sense, but become obvious later.  They don’t make any more sense later, either, but you can see why the writers decided to go that direction.

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I’m a dork!

Meanwhile, we find Graiman wandering in the woods.  Turns out it wasn’t him in the house, but his body double.  Yep.  His body double.  He goes and finds Mike’s mom for help… for some reason.

Sarah and K.I.T.T. go pick up Mike in Las Vegas, and then get a message to meet her father.  And they drive… and drive.  Occassionally, the bad guys catch up to them, but they get away.

Finally, they all meet up at this dumpy little hotel.  Here is where Mike learns from his mother that his father is actually Michael Knight, who drove the previous K.I.T.T. 

Meanwhile, the bad guys start hacking into K.I.T.T., because, even though this Graiman guy could encrypt all of his computers to prevent the bad guys from getting access to Prometheus, he obviously couldn’t do that with K.I.T.T., because that would make sense, and we can’t have this movie making sense.

Then the bad guys come.  And, they kill Mike’s mother.  Because they are bad guys.

The leader of the bad guys leaves, telling his men to kill Mike and Sarah.  That’s right – he leaves, and just assumes they will be killed.  He doesn’t just shoot them right then and there.  He drives away while his men are just standing there, with the guns aimed at the good guys.

Guess what?  That’s right – Mike and Sarah manage to escape!

Shocking, huh?

Mike and Sarah take K.I.T.T., and, via defying any sense of realistic physics, save her father.

Next, we go to Mike’s mother’s funeral, where Graiman, master of tact that he is, offers Mike the chance to drive K.I.T.T. for the Foundation for Law and Government (just like his dad did).  Mike, to upset over all of this, declines.

But (you knew there would be a “but”), at the funeral, Michael Knight (the Hoff himself) shows up to lend the words of wisdom, “One man can make a difference.” 

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The things I will do for a paycheck…

(Of course, Mike seems all too accepting of his long lost father just appearing out of nowhere, let alone trying to give him advice at his mother’s funeral… but maybe its just me.)

Of course, Mike decides to accept the position of driving K.I.T.T., and things are all set for an ongoing series.

(By the way, there were about a dozen extra characters we met along the way, including a lesbian FBI agent and Mike’s comic relief buddy, shoehorned in for no real reason, but I didn’t really feel the need to highlight them.  You’re welcome.)

First off, I’m a huge fan of the original Knight Rider.  I also concede that the show doesn’t hold up that well, but it is still fun to watch.

I think that was the big problem with the new incarnation – it wasn’t fun to watch.

The movie just tried way too hard to be be taken seriously.  It wanted to be innovative and edgy.  It wanted to be dramatic.

Oh, man, did it want to be dramatic!

I am of the opinion that, generally speaking, action movies and new TV shows need to be plot-driven and not character-driven.  With action movies, I’m not really looking for character development, and with TV, there will be time enough for character development after an audience is hooked.  Trying to completely flesh out characters right at the start comes off laughible at best (forcing situations to become a microcosm of the character’s beliefs), and terribly tedious at worst.

With this movie, it went for the worst.  It seemed like entire chunks of this movie were just K.I.T.T., driving along, so that Mike and Sarah could “talk.”  As in “we need to talk,” not just shooting the breeze.

The dialogue was just atrocious.  Bad, bad writing.

The exchanges would’ve been horrible even with good actors, but, trust me, we didn’t have to worry about that.  The cardboard stand-ups they cast in this movie managed to amplify the terrible, forced characterization.

You wanna know how bad the acting was in this movie?  When David Hasselhoff came on the screen for his little cameo at the end, he comes off like Lawrence Olivier compared to what we saw up to that point.

Seriously.

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A spoiler?  Really?  Like this blocky car is going to lift off the ground?!?

Besides the writing and acting, everything else is just nit-picking for me.  I don’t like that K.I.T.T. is a boxy Mustang, I miss the low “woo-woo” sound from the red scanner on the front of K.I.T.T., there was no sign of the famous “Turbo Boost,” and, while Val Kilmer was fine, he was no William Daniels.

Overall, I wouldn’t sit through this movie again, and I doubt I’ll be checking out any future series based on it.  If I want to watch Knight Rider, there are DVD’s out there of the real thing; I don’t have to depend on this pale imitation. 

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Ooh, stylin’!

Besides, there is always the big budget Hollywood film that is supposed to be coming to theaters in 2010.  It certainly couldn’t be any worse.

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One Response to “EG’s Movie Review – Knight Rider (2008 TV Movie)”

  1. john Says:

    keep the mustang going

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