Preview Review – Amazing Spider-Man #552

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Howdy, folks!  Yes, ’tis I, the long lost EG, posting yet another infrequent post!

Today, I’m going to introduce a new feature – the Preview Review! 

And what is the Preview Review?

No, really…

I’m asking, ‘cuz I don’t have a clue.

Oh, wait… now I remember.  It is where I find the preview pages offered online for an upcoming comic, and write a review of the issue based entirely on that.

(Hey, I’m giving these comics more of a chance than the average fanboy!  They don’t even wait for preview pages, they just pass judgment on a comic based on announcements and rumors!)

Today, we look at Amazing Spider-Man #552, the kick off of a new storyline from Bob Gale (writer) and Phil Jimenez.

First off, let’s take a look at the pretty variant cover:

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Ooh, snazzy, huh?  Yeah.  The only thing is, Spidey is taking a picture, pointing the camera at the reader.  Yet, in the reflection, we see some sort of scarred, wide-eyed lunatic.  A Marvel commentary on its readers, perhaps?  Oh, and to get this variant cover, you are actually going to have to pay extra to get insulted.  But, then again, I’ve been to the Comic Con International in San Diego… the crazed look may not be that far off.

On to the first page of the preview!

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Hey, look, this issue guest stars Steven Tyler from Aerosmith!  And he’s carrying some sort of gold box.  Perhaps a Grammy is inside?

Evidently, Spidey is a HUGE fan.  I had heard a rumor that I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing was his and M.J.’s song, but I thought that was wished into the cornfield by Mephisto. Guess not. Look at that rain of webbing, just to get his attention!  Even all of those little faceless people are shocked by his fandom.  And then poor Spidey rips the back out of his pants!  Aw, man, and isn’t that always the way?  You get to meet a major recording artist that you idolize, and you end up embarrassing yourself in front of them like that.  It is the Parker luck.

Luckily, in that last huge image of Spidey, his arm is pretty much cover the rip from our point of view.  If we were behind him, boy, would we get an eyeful. Actually… if anyone were behind him, they’d get an eyeful.  But nobody is behind him.  Nothing is behind him!  Egads, the world has disappeared behind Spidey!  Swing faster, Spidey!  Don’t let the nothingness catch you!

Quick, the next page of the preview, so we can find out how Spidey stops the nothingness from consuming New York!

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Wait… what happened to the nothingness?  How did we get on top of a roof?  And did a bird poop on Spidey?  What is that stuff on his mask and chest? 

Spidey better be careful sitting like that.  I heard it (along with sitting on cold cement) will give you hemorrhoids.  Regardless, man, look at what nice hair Steven Tyler has.  He must buy that expensive conditioner.

Uh oh, a green box of money just fell.  Since it isn’t the same color as Steven Tyler’s box, I have to assume it belonged to Spidey.  But… I didn’t see him carrying a box.  Hmm… where did it come from… Spidey swinging, tears open the back of his pants, Spidey squats on a ventilation unit, we see box fall… oh… oh my.  Wow.  I always thought Spidey had a hidden pocket or something for his cash.  I never dreamed he kept it in a box shoved up his… *ahem*  Moving on.

Well, of course Spidey is concerned about losing his cash.  Probably been saving up for some botox for his Aunt May.  But, he doesn’t want Steven Tyler getting away before he can get an autograph.  I gues its logical to web him up real good.  Looks like Steven Tyler is breaking into one of those familiar screams that he demonstrates in many of his songs, too.

Spidey leaps down to get his money.  Everyone is looking up, amazed that his costume somehow repaired itself.  Too bad it didn’t do it before his green box fell out.Ooh, and look, Spidey staring that kid down, just daring him to go for his money!  With everyone reasonably intimidated, Spidey starts gathering the money.  What is that stuff on his mask and chest?!?Maybe the answer is on the next page.

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Holy cow!  Its Venom!  Shoot to kill!  Shoot to kill!!!

Oh, wait… it is Spidey.  Phew!  That was a close one.  Still no answer about what that stuff on his mask is, though.I do think it is a shame that those police officers are robbing Spidey, though.  Looks like Aunt May isn’t going to be getting that botox after all. 

Thankfully, Spidey escapes the crooked cops without being shot.  Although, it looks like one really wanted to shoot him, but the other stopped him.  No need to go shooting him.  They got his money.In the bottom three panels, it looks like they are debating which one of them is going to have to pick up that green box… knowing where it had been and all.  Ew.

Moving on to the final page of the preview.

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Huh?  Oh.  I guess we move to that evening.  Okay.  It is a party.  And there’s a creepy woman.  Oh, and I think that is Peter Parker, at the bottom, in the center.  Standing next to what looks like a mannequin of Harry Osborn.  Why does Harry’s head look detachable?

Anyway, Pete is chatting up that girl, probably talking about how he met Steven Tyler.

I can only assume that the next page is a big splash of Peter smacking himself in the head, remembering that Steven Tyler is still webbed-up on a rooftop somewhere.  D’oh!

Oh, Spidey!  You absent-minded superhero, you!

Well, I certainly enjoyed this issue.  It told the good about living in New York (running into Steven Tyler) and the bad (the NYPD will steal your stuff).  I don’t like all the loose ends, though.  What happened to the nothingness that was coming after Spidey?  How did his costume repair itself?  And, seriously, what was that stuff on his mask and chest? 

I give the issue 378 stars out of 753.

See ya next time!

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5 Responses to “Preview Review – Amazing Spider-Man #552”

  1. ogreadmore Says:

    This is the funniest/best thing that’s hit this blog if I do say so myself. And, I do. Kudos EG! (And, thanks for saving my bacon for not having posted on Tuesday, the day after I promised a post every weekday! YEE HAW! Even when I lose I win!)

  2. Willem Says:

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  3. Dan Says:

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  4. Sharron Says:

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  5. http://shemalehugecock.tumblr.com/ Says:

    I recall it was the divine Eleanor Roosevelt who stated that brand-new days carry with them brand-new energies and brand new thinking.
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